The Minnesota State Fair rules the land

Have you seen this list of "new foods" unveiled by the good people of the Minnesota State Fair?  It is awe-inspiring, and I would like to propose a mass migration to their fair lands.  But only for about a month.  I hear the mosquitoes totally suck there.

Some highlights, in case you're too busy to read the above link:

(all photos stolen from MPR, who stole them from Minnesota State Fair)



The mac and cheese cupcake features macaroni and cheese in a breadcrumb crust and is frosted (?!) with Cheez Whiz.

The hot tail is a roasted pig tail coated in a scallion ginger sauce. This seems particularly disgusting, and I am dying to try it.

The kimchi 'n' curry poutine features braised pork and potatoes smothered with curry gravy and cheddar cheese, topped with kimchi and a poached egg. OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD.

This fine-looking Italian meatloaf-on-a-stick is stuffed with mozzarella and pepperoni, topped with marinara sauce and a Parmesan herb blend. Otherwise it might not be filling enough.

Quite possibly winning the award for weirdest food, and also for food that looks the most like a poop, here is a photo of fried kalettes (pronounced kale-etts). Battered kale is fried crispy in wine and served with sweet Thai chili sauce.

Thank you, Minnesota. What's your favorite wacky fair food?

Carnie Food Fun!!

In honor of the Greeley Stampede, which opens Friday, might I present this humble ode to all the nasty little snacks we put into our bodies throughout summer festival season...




So, I live in Greeley, Colorado, home of the world’s largest 4th of July rodeo (that’s specific, isn’t it?). It starts this week, and it’s approximately seven blocks from my house. I'm a little bit excited in spite of myself.  I do not enjoy country music (though I can hear it from my porch every night of the Stampede, so, bonus for me) and rodeos seem pretty cruel, but the Stampede holds kind of a special place in my heart. It was my introduction to this little Western town’s ranching culture, which is quite different from my childhood memories growing up in Chicagoland. It is also –or was, until this year—free to enter, and I love free stuff! I will eat things I hate or listen to a poetry reading in a language I don’t know if it’s free! Of course, the rides and the food cost money, but the gawking was free, and that was good enough for me.

Upon first visiting the Stampede, I was surprised to find that the food here was different than it had been at the super-awesome Frankfort Fall Fest (can I get a holla Lincoln-Way class of ’92?!), or the Illinois or Iowa State Fairs of my youth. Carnie food is not universal; it is nuanced, finely tuned to its audience to deliver the most pleasure it can. Ahem. Oh sure, you can get a bright pink hot dog or gray bratwurst anywhere, but the Stampede has some pretty special things, too…



Deep-fried Oreos Doesn’t that sound terrible? But they’re not—the fried outer coating isn’t really salty so much as it is like a doughnut, and the Oreo inside is slightly melted, creating a fudgy texture that is a vast improvement upon the dry, crumbly original. Just beware: after three, my heart started pounding and I was suddenly rendered unable to walk for a short period of time. They have deep-fried candy bars, to, but that’s just gross.

Green Chili Fries I suppose it’s not surprising, in this heavily Mexican-American community, that you can get some really good hot green chilies. I just didn’t expect to get anything so good at a street fair. Not so different from French-Canadian poutine, this is simply a Styrofoam plate of fries slathered in green chili and cheese sauce. I love it.




Giant Turkey Leg I have not eaten one of these things (never been a turkey fan), but my neighbors swear by them. And they really are giant—these things are almost the size of a one-year-old’s pudgy leg. They are pre-cooked and then smoked until they get a bit dry, but it’s worth just holding one up to your head for the great facebook picture.

Fried Coke I’m not kidding. It’s a doughy mixture with coke syrup which is then deep-fried in balls and topped with more coke syrup and powdered sugar. It kind of tastes like funnel cake, but also like Coke. I like it because it’s chewy.





“Berrie-Kabobs” (spelling not mine) I know! How healthy! You get a big skewer of chunked fresh fruit, generally strawberries and bananas. The catch—everything’s coated in white or milk chocolate.  And that's carnie.

Smoothie Bar I like fresh fruit smoothies at any time, and these don’t seem to have any weird, unhealthy additives. It’s like a Carnie Jamba Juice. And that’s just funny. Coloradoans—so healthy!

Pork Chop on a Stick I hate pork chops, but I just like that they exist.



And of course…



Beer Garden Every fair I have attended in this state has a beer garden with crappy Coors, but also some local brews that taste delicious. Love you, Colorado.

Greeley, CO's weirdest restaurant

Ostensibly, Red's Dogs and Donuts hearkens back to Greeley's potato-loving past, offering "spudnuts", or doughnuts made with potato flour.  In reality, it's a crazy hot mess of A.D.D. junk food love--doughnuts (most are not spudnuts), "gourmet" hotdogs made with kobe beef (Why bother?  Can anyone explain this?) and all kinds of random toppings like mole sauce with pickled red onions and coleslaw with bacon, as well as a couple of special treats you can't find anywhere else.  In fact, you might not ever have heard of them.

Kolaches are a yeast-based bun filled with meat, vegetables, or fruit.  Most are geared towards breakfast (though Red's is open until 8pm weekdays, midnight weekends) and amount to enclosed Egg McMuffin-style sandwiches.  And then there are the Wacky Waffles (I'm pretty sure a "TM" belongs after that term).  Wacky Waffles are merely Belgian waffles with various toppings, most of them including candy and heavy whipped cream, but I guess maybe they thought waffles weren't exciting enough to sell without a special name.

Now, I'm not making fun--their doughnuts are pretty incredible (though you can save your money on the Baconator--you can see the bacon, but you can't taste it), and the kolaches are a pretty handy portable way to fill up.  All in all, the food is made well and with a great affection for all that is unhealthy.  And the extreme enthusiasm with which the workers greet and serve you behind the counter is downright heart-warming.  I'm just saying, this place is bizarre.  And the owners are definitely going to die of heart disease soon.