Carnie Food Fun!!

In honor of the Greeley Stampede, which opens Friday, might I present this humble ode to all the nasty little snacks we put into our bodies throughout summer festival season...




So, I live in Greeley, Colorado, home of the world’s largest 4th of July rodeo (that’s specific, isn’t it?). It starts this week, and it’s approximately seven blocks from my house. I'm a little bit excited in spite of myself.  I do not enjoy country music (though I can hear it from my porch every night of the Stampede, so, bonus for me) and rodeos seem pretty cruel, but the Stampede holds kind of a special place in my heart. It was my introduction to this little Western town’s ranching culture, which is quite different from my childhood memories growing up in Chicagoland. It is also –or was, until this year—free to enter, and I love free stuff! I will eat things I hate or listen to a poetry reading in a language I don’t know if it’s free! Of course, the rides and the food cost money, but the gawking was free, and that was good enough for me.

Upon first visiting the Stampede, I was surprised to find that the food here was different than it had been at the super-awesome Frankfort Fall Fest (can I get a holla Lincoln-Way class of ’92?!), or the Illinois or Iowa State Fairs of my youth. Carnie food is not universal; it is nuanced, finely tuned to its audience to deliver the most pleasure it can. Ahem. Oh sure, you can get a bright pink hot dog or gray bratwurst anywhere, but the Stampede has some pretty special things, too…



Deep-fried Oreos Doesn’t that sound terrible? But they’re not—the fried outer coating isn’t really salty so much as it is like a doughnut, and the Oreo inside is slightly melted, creating a fudgy texture that is a vast improvement upon the dry, crumbly original. Just beware: after three, my heart started pounding and I was suddenly rendered unable to walk for a short period of time. They have deep-fried candy bars, to, but that’s just gross.

Green Chili Fries I suppose it’s not surprising, in this heavily Mexican-American community, that you can get some really good hot green chilies. I just didn’t expect to get anything so good at a street fair. Not so different from French-Canadian poutine, this is simply a Styrofoam plate of fries slathered in green chili and cheese sauce. I love it.




Giant Turkey Leg I have not eaten one of these things (never been a turkey fan), but my neighbors swear by them. And they really are giant—these things are almost the size of a one-year-old’s pudgy leg. They are pre-cooked and then smoked until they get a bit dry, but it’s worth just holding one up to your head for the great facebook picture.

Fried Coke I’m not kidding. It’s a doughy mixture with coke syrup which is then deep-fried in balls and topped with more coke syrup and powdered sugar. It kind of tastes like funnel cake, but also like Coke. I like it because it’s chewy.





“Berrie-Kabobs” (spelling not mine) I know! How healthy! You get a big skewer of chunked fresh fruit, generally strawberries and bananas. The catch—everything’s coated in white or milk chocolate.  And that's carnie.

Smoothie Bar I like fresh fruit smoothies at any time, and these don’t seem to have any weird, unhealthy additives. It’s like a Carnie Jamba Juice. And that’s just funny. Coloradoans—so healthy!

Pork Chop on a Stick I hate pork chops, but I just like that they exist.



And of course…



Beer Garden Every fair I have attended in this state has a beer garden with crappy Coors, but also some local brews that taste delicious. Love you, Colorado.

Recipe for poached eggs with asparagus

This is a springy meal if ever there was one.  Try to find those delicate, thin stalks of asparagus to match the delicacy of the eggs.


Serves 2


2 cups  jasmine rice
4 eggs
1 lb. asparagus, washed and trimmed
4 scallions, washed and sliced (green and white parts)
¼ cup olive oil
Juice of two lemons
2 garlic cloves, minced
½ teaspoon Dijon mustard
Salt and black pepper to taste
3 tablespoons fresh chopped herbs (chives, dill, basil--whatever you’ve got!)


Cook rice according to package directions.  When rice is done, stir in fresh chopped herbs and fluff with fork.  Cover to keep warm.  


Meanwhile, in  a small bowl whisk together olive oil, lemon juice, garlic, mustard, and salt and pepper.  Set aside.


Bring salted water to boil in a medium saucepan.  Drop asparagus in and blanch for about 30 seconds up to one minute, until stalks are bright green (they should still be firm).  Remove asparagus to a plate and cover to keep warm.  Bring water back to boil and poach eggs until done to your liking.  




To assemble: On each of four plates, spread herbed rice, lay ¼ of the asparagus stalks across rice, then set one poached egg on top.  Drizzle with the lemon vinaigrette (save extra in a jar for salads or cooked green beans later).   Goes well with a crisp glass of Prosecco.  (Who am I kidding?  Everything goes well with Prosecco.)

Balls for vegetarians

Mmmmm....baaaaalls!

I love meatballs.  They are tasty, but more importantly, they are also ball-shaped, which is oddly satisfying to me.  I do not love handling ground beef, which is just nas-TAY and bad for you (especially given the lack of oversight exercised in America's slaughterhouses), so I have been experimenting with other ball materials.  Are you enjoying this childish prose?

Both recipes rely on the magic of soy products.  If you've got a problem with soy, I can't help you.



Tofu Meatballs

Serves 4

1 (14-oz.) package firm tofu
1 egg, lightly beaten
1/3 cup bread crumbs
½ small onion, minced
1 ½ teaspoons chopped fresh parsley
1 ½ teaspoons chopped fresh oregano
1 teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
½ teaspoon red pepper flakes
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 cups tomato sauce
½ cup grated Parmesan cheese
4 cups cooked pasta or rice


Preheat oven to 350°F.

Remove tofu from package, wrap in some paper towels, and press between flat, heavy surfaces for about 30 minutes to release liquid.

Meanwhile, in a large mixing bowl, combine egg, bread crumbs, onion, herbs, and spices.  Add the drained, crumbled tofu and combine thoroughly with hands.  Form mixture into balls about the size of golf balls and arrange in a single layer in a lightly greased baking dish.  Bake in oven for 20 minutes.

Remove the dish from the oven and increase heat to 450°F (or preheat your broiler if you have one).  Spoon the tomato sauce over the top of the balls and sprinkle with Parmesan.  Place the dish in the oven and cook until the cheese is melted and lightly browned, about 3 minutes.  Remove from the oven and serve with rice or pasta.

*          *           *           *           *           *          *          *

Greek-Style Meat-ish balls with Tzatziki 


Meatballs:
2 packages Morningstar Farms Soy Crumbles, thawed (just put the bag in the 'fridge for a couple hours)
1/2 red onion, minced (keep the other half for the rest of the recipe)
1/2 cup very finely crumbled feta cheese
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 large egg
1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil, plus more for baking dish
1 tablespoon dried oregano
4 teaspoons red wine vinegar
½  teaspoon salt
½  teaspoon black pepper

And also:
1 teaspoon extra virgin olive oil
2 roasted red bell peppers, cut into strips
½ cup kalamata olives
½ red onion, sliced into thin strips
1 teaspoon dried oregano
¼ teaspoon crushed red pepper
2 tablespoons lemon juice
Salt to taste

4 cups cooked orzo 

To make meatballs: Combine all ingredients in a bowl, then use your hands to mix ingredients. Lightly oil a 9 x 13 baking dish. Shape meat into 1 tablespoon size meatballs and place on baking sheet. Bake 20 minutes. Turn meatballs and bake 10 more minutes. Turn again, and bake 5-10 more minutes, until meatballs are well-browned and a little crisp on the outside.

Meanwhile, heat the oil in a large frying or sauté pan over medium heat.  When it shimmers, add the onion and sauté 20 minutes, so that they start to carmelize.  After you have turned your meatballs, add roasted red pepper, olives, oregano, and about a ½ teaspoon of salt.  Lower the heat to medium-low.  Stir well and continue to sauté another 10 minutes.  Add the lemon juice and crushed red pepper, stir again, and cover.  When the meatballs are cooked, add them to the pan and combine ingredients, and cover so that the flavors get a chance to mingle a little.  Serve with orzo.

Tzatziki:

1 medium cucumber, peeled, seeds removed, and roughly chopped

1 garlic clove, smashed

1 cup Greek-style* yogurt 

Salt and black pepper to taste

Place garlic and cucumber in a food processor and run until garlic seems well-chopped and cucumber is all broken down.  Place in a bowl, stir in yogurt, and season with salt and black pepper to taste.  Serve alongside meatballs as a dipping sauce.  (Leftover meatballs an tzatziki can also be stuffed in pita bread for great warm or cold sandwiches later in the week).  

*Too cheap for the Greek stuff?  You can substitute 2 cups regular plain yogurt and drain: place a colander inside a larger bowl, then pour 2 cups yogurt into a paper coffee filter.  Lay this inside the colander and allow to drain, refrigerated, at least 2 hours up to overnight.  (Thank you, Amy Sedaris, for that tip.)

Fruited Wild Rice Salad

Inspired by my need to bring something gluten free with blueberries in it to a book club meeting (it's complicated), I concocted this dish to offset all the sweets on the table.  Be advised, this recipe is gluten free as long as you don't cook the rice in vegetable broth--if you want to get all fancy and do that, then it'll have traces of gluten from the liquid.

Fruited Wild Rice Salad

1 cup wild rice
1/2 cup jasmine rice
3 cups water
½ cup dried cranberries
¾ cup chopped dried apricots
½ cup chopped red onion
¼ cup orange juice
2 Tbsp. honey
1½ tsp. grated fresh ginger
1 tsp. grated orange or lemon peel
4 Tbsp. olive oil
salt and pepper to taste
1 cup blueberries, fresh or frozen (thawed)
8 oz. mixed fresh salad greens (optional)


Keep rices separate.  Combine the wild rice with water in a medium saucepan. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; cover and simmer until rice is starting to soften up, about 20 minutes.  Stir in the jasmine and cover, continuing to cook until both rices are tender, about 20 more minutes. (Check occasionally to make sure there's enough water--add more if needed.)  Stir in cranberries, apricots and red onion and allow to sit, covered.

Prepare dressing: In a small bowl, whisk together the orange juice, honey, grated ginger, and lemon peel. Gradually whisk in the olive oil. Season to taste with salt and pepper.

Drain the rice mixtrure and place in a bowl.  Pour dressing over the rice and mix well. Gently fold in the blueberries. Arrange greens on a platter and mound rice on top if you prefer.